Those Advice from My Father Which Helped Us when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to talk between men, who still absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."